Topic 1: Development: One Step at a Time

 

Do you have questions regarding your child’s reactions? Regarding the questions they ask you? Regarding their experiences with classmates? 

Take the time to learn about the areas of a child’s development to better understand their behaviour. 

TO KNOW | TO REMEMBER (in the other topics)

Brain Development

A child’s brain develops gradually. It is important to understand that some parts of the brain, notably those which regulate emotions, mature only at around age 30. That is why a child needs a caring adult to guide him in understanding and regulating their emotions. 

► Explanatory video by Santé publique de l’Estrie (French)

Developing Autonomy 

The same observation applies to autonomy, which develops gradually under the guidance of an adult who teaches the child to complete age-appropriate tasks. 

Avant l’âge de 5 ans, le parent doit, la plupart du temps, Faire pour son enfant (ex. : verser le lait dans les céréales). Entre 5 et 11 ans, le parent commence à Faire avec son enfant (lui montrer comment verser le lait et le faire avec lui), puis tranquillement il le Laisse faire (même s’il peut y avoir quelques dégâts)! 

Here are a few concrete examples for children aged 5 to 11 years: 
 • The parent doesn’t need to dress their child; however, the parent can assist them in choosing clothes in advance or according to the weather.
 • The child needs a parent to start doing their homework, but may complete it alone or with the help of a parent when needed.
 • They must clean their room and you are dissatisfied with the result. You can praise their efforts and calmly explain what still needs to be done to complete the task. 
 • Make a list or a schedule for tasks to be completed during the day and post it in a visible area of the house.


Take the time to explain to your child what they need to do. Do it with them for a few times to clarify your expectations.
Encourage your child in their efforts. It is normal to repeat the same instructions over again: Learning requires time and patience.

► Examples of age-appropriate tasks for children (French)

5 areas of child development

Physical and motor skills

A child grows 5 to 8 cm per year and becomes more physically agile. The child gradually develops endurance, coordination, and balance. 

A few words about... 

  • Squabbling
    Squabbling, a seemingly inappropriate but common behaviour among children of this age, helps them to channel their aggressive and competitive impulses. However, certain rules involving limits and others’ boundaries still need to be respected. Adult supervision is often necessary to ensure compliance. 

► Learn more about this topic (French)

  • Body imageCompared to adults and teenagers, children generally pay little attention to others’ physical appearance. Set an example for your children by being open to others’ differences so your children learn to accept their own self-image  more easily. The child’s self-image from ages 8 to 10 will greatly influence their self-esteem.

► Learn more (French)

Cognitive skills

Cognitive development refers to the acquisition of knowledge, attention, and reasoning. It plays a role in emotional and behavioural regulation.  

A few words about... 

  • Imaginary worlds
    A child gradually becomes more realistic around 8 years old. Even “make-believe” games are replaced by more realistic games such as construction. Some believe less and less in Santa, elves, and the Tooth Fairy.
     
  • Death 
    At around 8 years of age, a child understands that death among people and animals is irreversible.  

Emotional skills

The child increasingly feels the urge to grow as an individual. They discover interests and preferences, and express a greater desire for independence. 

A few words about...

  • Developing an identity
    Some children need to get away from their parent, for example, by going to school alone or sleeping at a friend’s house. That’s how children manage to feel big and different from their parent, which is good for the development of the child’s identity.
     
  • Expressing feelings
    A child aged 8 to 10 years understands the concept of good and bad, which helps them to control their impulses. They gradually manage to control their feelings, but they still need an adult to guide and help them with understanding what’s happening within.

Social skills

The child aged 5 to 11 years develops their social skills to build positive relationships with others. They need to learn how to express and manage their emotions, resolve conflicts, and consider others’ points of view. The adults and parents in the child’s life assist them in learning those skills.   

A few words about...

  • Groups of friends
    Between the ages of 5 and 11, one notices that the child’s groups of friends change regularly and are often divided by gender. Activities become more interesting when done with others; hence it is important to create opportunities for children to socialize with friends and to provide support when they face challenges. Around age 10 to 12, the need to belong to a group becomes increasingly important.
     
  • Empathy
    At around 8 years of age, a child will gradually become able to walk in another person's shoes, meaning that they will better understand others’ perspectives and decipher their behaviour. 

► Learn more (French)

Psychosexual Development

A child’s psychosexual development occurs gradually. Many sexualized behaviours can be observed and are different at various ages in the child’s life.  

A few words about... 

  • Intimacy
    As early as age 6, a child usually wants more privacy and may become more modest (e.g., wants to get dressed unaided). It is important to respect their need and to give them personal space. It is also important to define boundaries among relatives (determined by intimacy: bodily pleasure, showers, relations among adults). 
     
  • Consent
    It is essential to teach a child to recognize and assert their own boundaries when dealing with others, especially when it comes to properly accepting  or declining physical touch. Children also need to learn to walk in others’ shoes, to respect their personal space, and to ask if it’s all right to enter the personal space of another.

 
It is important to raise the topic of sexuality with your child so that they know that you are receptive if he has any questions. If you as a parent are uncomfortable with this topic, respect your limits and ask someone else for advice (family, friend, school worker). Many children’s books cover this topic (see references).

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